This Messy Life

"Life is a messy journey" ~J.H Soul

This Messy Life, We have just one, what you're seeing is a messy life. You and I both seem to have fallen into the trap of what we've done and what we haven't, who has hurt us, and how we betrayed ourselves. And perhaps you've had nights of tears, and cries, banging your head against the wall and begging for a change just as I have.

Just like me, you might have made it as if you need to be a whole new different person, but in this one messy life, we only have ourselves. And I've realized that in my worst moments and at the very best, I have to love myself when no one does. It's like when I feel as if I'm the worst person in the world then I should show so much love for myself. Because we're just living one messy life, that allows us to improve our own lives, love each other, and become the best version of ourselves.

It's so hard, and it's going to take a lifetime, so why do you and I fixate on every little thing, yes, it's easier said than done, but let's try and get through this with ease, like the trees, flowers, and leaves that don't criticize themselves for being too dirty, for not growing at the same rate, or for being prettier than the next for not criticizing themselves to have fallen at last only to emerge better.

We're trying to start loving ourselves and enjoying our own company in this messy life, and it's so hard, but it's going to be easier every day, it's just a process.

In this life, it's so hard to just forget about your past and if you're anything like me, you might have tried to bury it behind for it to only follow you like a shadow everywhere you went. You'd think about the way you acted once, the shameful things you'd done, the way you've destroyed yourself and the people you loved. I'm sure it hurts to the core of your being and sends shivers down your spine, but believe me, this is going to get better. Just stick around to see yourself understanding your bad traits and ways to change them, but in this messy life do not think you have to change yourself, you're beautiful but it's fine to change traits! Yes, it is hard, you'd think I'd change by now but, it's so hard and I'm still working on it and it takes time. But we’re going to get there, I promise you. You might relapse but forgive yourself, tell yourself it's all you are used to and you will find new ways to cope. To you and I both, in this messy life, not everything needs to be figured out. I was once told by someone who used to be a big part of me,

" life is hard, it's not easy but how dare you even think of doubting yourself"

And at the time I didn't think of it as much but now.

It's a line that gets me up each morning, for us as it were, we have this one muddled life. How to set out we question it? Life is lovely and it's implied to be lived. Believe me, have a little confidence in life and in yourself, you and I both are working hard to ameliorate ourselves and our lives, we are going to get through this.

For once, excuse yourself I know that's difficult, but let's attempt to be our exceptionally possessed best companions. You might feel like there's so much to do, but with grace and faith, we will get there. Remember, beautiful human. There is no checklist you have to cover or a perfect version of yourself. We are ever-changing and just like the weather, we also change as humans, experiences shape us and pain changes us. I am so proud of you, and also myself, for being here and for staying strong.

And if you think you can't carry on, look back at all the mountains you never thought you'd climb and here you are looking back at the now scenic view of what used to be your struggles and pain... You only have this one messy life, so live it to the fullest.