In The Limbo of Change

“I don’t know who I am becoming. But I miss who I was”

Change is one of life’s most constant forces. It shapes us in ways we often can’t predict. There's a stage in life where you’re not quite who you used to be, but neither are you the person that you are destined to become. It’s a liminal space—the uncomfortable, confusing, and at times heartbreaking in-between.

During this period, you feel a sense of loss, like you’re grieving parts of yourself that no longer fit the person you are becoming. At the same time, you’re unsure about who you are becoming, and that uncertainty can be both terrifying and freeing.

There’s no easy way to say goodbye to past versions of ourselves. Whether it’s through

life changes, growing pains, or unexpected circumstances, these transformations often leave us in a state of Limbo. We feel nostalgic for the versions of ourselves that once felt more sure, more comfortable, and more confident.

As the poet and philosopher Rainer Maria Rilke once said “The only journey is the one within”

This quote speaks to the internal exploration that occurs when we are no longer who we once were. The sense of loss is inevitable, but it’s in embracing this grief that we begin to heal. It’s okay to miss who you used to be as this is a part of the process.

Amid this uncertainty, it’s easy to feel stuck, unsure of what direction to take or who we should be.

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become” said Carl Jung. 

This quote reminds me that while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we have the power to choose how we respond to it. This choice lies within the uncomfortable middle ground we find ourselves in—where we are stuck between the past and future, the familiar and unknown.

The challenge is to lean into the discomfort rather than to keep resisting it. Growth is messy, and transformation often doesn’t happen on a clear path. Sometimes, you need to embrace the tension of who you were and who you’re becoming.

Amongst the grief and uncertainty, there is a unique opportunity: the present we can let go of the need for answers, there’s beauty in simply being.

Eckhart Tolle a German spiritual teacher and self-help author once said “The present moment is the key to freedom”. Therefore, by staying rooted in the here and now, you begin to create space for transformation.

It's not about rushing toward the “next version” of yourself but allowing the present moment to teach you what you need to know. You don’t have everything figured out. The in-between space isn’t a void; it’s a place of growth, a fertile ground for reinvention.

Even when we don’t know exactly who we are becoming, there’s a chance to dream, hope, and reimagine the future. The variability can be an invitation for creative exploration.

As the author Anaïs Nin beautifully put it, “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are” Our future selves are not fixed; they are shaped by the way we view the world and our place in it. 

Rather than worrying about the uncertainty, what if we welcomed it as a place of possibility? Maybe who you are becoming is not someone you need to figure out immediately but someone you’re slowly discovering as you embrace the journey, one step at a time.

How does one find peace in the in-between?

How does one navigate this uncertain in-between with grace?

Acknowledging the loss; Recognizing that it's okay to miss who you were once. The past is a part of your story just like mine, and perhaps honoring it can bring healing. Embracing Uncertainty; Understanding that it's normal to feel lost at times. Your transformation isn’t meant to be linear, not predictable. Live in the present; Focusing on the present moment instead of trying to control the future and tormenting over the past. This is the space where growth happens so let it. Trust the process; know that the person you are becoming will reveal itself in time. Trust that all the small steps you’re climbing today will lead you toward your true self.

Becoming isn’t something that happens in one sudden shift; it’s a gradual unfolding. You’re allowed to miss the past, to grieve over what is no longer there only till it finishes filling that void, and to feel uncertain about the future. But in doing so, you create a space to embrace the mystery of who you’re slowly becoming.

The answer doesn't have to come all at once. Let the journey unfold, and trust that the person you are becoming is more than enough, even in the moment when you don’t quite know who that is yet.

As Mitch Albom once said “All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.” —from the book ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’